The giving gap: Why lack of boundaries is draining you and your business

We are taught that being a "giver" is a virtue. In leadership, in family, and in our communities, the ability to support others is often what defines us.

But there is a side effect of being a giver that we rarely discuss: the giving gap.

This gap occurs when your output is high, but your boundaries are low. It happens when you accept partnerships —personal and/or professional— that are not equal, or when you say "yes" to unfair requests to avoid the discomfort of a "no."

If you are a woman over 40, you likely know this feeling well. You aren't just running your business; you are sustaining an entire ecosystem. But when that giving isn't anchored in responsibility for your own well-being - what do you think is the cost?

Exactly. Your energy and mental load.

The buildup of the "silent debt"

Living without kind and firm boundaries doesn’t just make you "busy." It creates a silent debt.

When you allow others to take more than is fair —whether it’s a client who ignores your scope of work or another parent that shares with you school picks up and keeps asking for changes —you aren’t just being "nice." You are accumulating dissatisfaction.

Left unchecked, that dissatisfaction turns into resentment. And resentment is the most expensive tax on your wellbeing. It takes mental space, lowers your energy, and throws you out of balance.

Reclaiming ownership of your space

Taking ownership of your life means realising that you are not a bottomless well. You are a leader. And a leader’s first responsibility is to protect the source of her energy.

If you are currently feeling drained, it is likely a combination of things which probably include lack of boundaries (or soft ones).

3 strategies to reclaim your self-leadership, and set boundaries

The ownership pause

We often give an immediate "yes" because we are conditioned to be helpful. Next time that you are asked for something, take a pause and ask yourself: "Am I saying yes because I want and can take this on, or to avoid the discomfort of their reaction?". You can reply: “Let me check my schedule and will come back to you” or “ I have a few things on at the moment, let me see what I can do and I’ll contact you back”.

Shift to "kind and firm" communication

A boundary doesn't need to be a wall; it can be a gate. You can be incredibly kind while being firm. Use clear language: "I understand this is important to you. However, because of my current commitments, I cannot take this on." You are not being difficult; you are being professional and are protecting your energy and time.

Practice the "let them" rule

In unequal partnerships, we often over-function to fill the gap. We do the extra work so the project doesn't fail or the kids can do everything they want to do.

What if you stop? Take ownership of your 50% share, and let them experience their reality. When you stop "saving" the situation, you finally allow the space for a more equal dynamic to happen, be re-negotiated or terminated.

Reflection about boundaries

Take a moment to look at your current "heavy" spots.

What is one unfair expectation you are currently sustaining that is taking away the energy you need for your next level of growth?

Real growth doesn't come from more "hustle" or from doing more. It comes from the courage to take ownership of your boundaries, and integrating our learnings.

Are you ready to shift?